


Continuing an old story (a.k.a Oblivious: re)

by Clary4ever_wait_for_Kanekivali_in_Tokyo



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cinematic record, Deathgod style's Kuroshitsuji, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Self-Sacrifice, Self-cest, Tags May Change, Tokyo Ghoul Chapter 143 and Its Aftermath, Tokyo Ghoul: re, Tragedy, Violence, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clary4ever_wait_for_Kanekivali_in_Tokyo/pseuds/Clary4ever_wait_for_Kanekivali_in_Tokyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki Ken forgot something. What's thing? He don't know. When he thought about things he have forgotten, he felt a little heartbroken...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something he forgot

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is the second time I write about Kanekicest. Because "Oblivious" was too bad, so I decided to drop and rewriting others. This is the first couple and probably the only couple make I have the motivation, I want to express my own vision of this couple as well as Shiro and Kuro or Kaneki Ken. Many people think Shiro is a strong, cold, somewhat ruthless, more assertive, more violent. But for me, no matter how long I watch him, he has always been an underdog. This time it was weak on the inside. He is simply cleverer than Kuro, know when to dismiss things like humanity to achieve the purpose. Because of the weak and vulnerability, so he had to be strong instead of Kuro to protect what's important to him. He is afraid of loneliness, he feared people will die because of his faults. As Eto said, his longing is be loved. Instead of "It's better to be hurt than hurt others," he turned into "It's better to be hurt than see your loves be hurt." He is only strong when protecting people. For Kuro, he does not too weak . Evidence is he still fought against Amon to protect Touka and Hinami. When writing this, I wanted to create a story that reveals the weak definition of Shiro and Kuro's powerful definition . Shiro had protected Kuro countless times, this time Shiro need to be protected, what Kuro will do?
> 
> p / s: Do not worry about some sad passage. They are nothing but the fakes. After reading TG, Sui-sensei made me scream: "That's it. Enough. No more tragedy." So I do not intend to make our precious Ken is miserable anymore. 
> 
>  
> 
> p/s2: I said eloquently like that but honestly, I don't know what am I writing at all.

Red spider lily - painful memories, the beauty of death, separation, suffering. Whatever it means, he never liked it. That brilliant red glared to his eyes. Around him, red spider lilies were blooming which covered the way of death, as if a tapestry woven by blood. He wondered that red, full of the space, was colors of flowers or colors of both humans' and ghouls' blood mixed together. He felt hurt. Really really hurt. Tears trickled down over his cheeks.

 

Fear. Pain. Despair.

 

Mom, I've lost  already. I had become crazy, I had been corrupted. Neither can stop nor can return, I had stuck in this distorted world.

 

The hands gently hold his trembling fingers.

 

"It's okay. You'll be alright."

 

"No. No. Don't ... Please don't leave me alone."

 

"You know we do not have choices. Both will be destroyed ... I'm stronger than you very much. I am very strong. I can totally handle everything. That's why the person should be responsible for this role is me. "

 

"Liar! - He shouted helplessly -" You are not stronger than me. Pains we feel are the same, feelings we have are the same. Our thoughts, our desires are the same. How can I not know what you are feeling. You are crying, you just forced yourself not to be watery eyes, unlike me."

 

 Somewhat surprised mixed puzzled glanced his face. 

 

" Ah. Having been discovered already. What should I do now? " In the blink of an eye, the white haired boy hugged him, very tightly before he let him out and push back.

 

" Sorry for not being able to protect you as I promised. Good bye, Kaneki. "

 

The last scene he saw was a beautiful smile to the heartbreaking. It was then that his awareness was engulfed by darkness.

.

.

.

.

.

 

... ..

 

.......

Black haired boy woke up, his cheeks wet. He cried even when he was sleeping. He really do not know why he cried. Just could not stop the tears fall, and his chest ached when trying to find the reason in vain. The dream is so bad that it make him cry even if it's not true? Or other reason? He does not know. Kaneki can not remember anything about it, whether such is normal for a person can forget his dreams within five minutes after waking up, but this emptiness ... as if his memories were erased. His mind was vague and pain. He frowned, rubbed aching temples before leaving the bed to the bathroom. A soft yawning , full of toothpaste squeezed his brush into his mouth to start brushing. Then he looked at the mirror, very surprised to see a few bruises on his face. His left eye reddened even more. The wound does not really hurt unless he press on. But it still makes he wonder what he had done that get them. Falling? No, may be he is clumsy but not to that level. Fighting? No way! He never do that. So why? He didn't know as well as he didn't know what he had forgotten. Those two thing are necessarily related to each other. Kaneki is a normal university student, who you can find anywhere, with a normal life if he don't want to tell boring.  
Each day that passes are alike, peaceful and calm. He go to school, go to the library, the bookstore and go home, repeated as a cycle. And with life style like that, how he didn't notice or had no memory about it when somethingstrange happened to him. Everything as if he woke up this morning and bang! They were there, do not know what or who caused and was only discovered when he looked into the mirror.  
He sighed as he closed the first-aid box. Despite only a few small bruises, but they still make him look like he just went back after a scuffle. Hide called he two telephone calls. He must have worried about his best friend. So he texted Hide a message before taking the bag and quickly left the apartment. He do not want to be late.

"I'm sorry for not listening to your phone, Hide. There are some things happened and I ... was distracted."

"Never mind. It does not matter. Yesterday you were sick and now when I call you do not pick up. I think there is a bad thing to happen. Everything is still okay?

"Don't worry, I'm fine, just a little tired. Perhaps due to lack of sleep."

"Are you sure, Kaneki?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Want some coffee to sober? I will buy for both of us. What type of coffee do you want?"

"Thank you, Hide" - Kaneki think a bit before typing text - "I want a black coffee without sugar."

"Black coffee without sugar? Ok. See you at school."

"I didn't know you like coffee without sugar. I think you like sweeter, add a  
little cream. But it doesn't matter." - Hide gave Kaneki the can, then pointed to the wounds on his face, frowning softly - "What did you do with your face ?"  
Kaneki scratched his head, a little confused. He also didn't know where they came from.

"This morning... I stum...stumbled. And here is the result."

Kaneki sighed, after efforts to find the most logical reason for being able to talk to Hide.

"You should be more careful, Kaneki. Is there anywhere be hurt?"

"I know. Except my face, nowhere to be hurt."

He sighed again. Strange bruises. Strange habit. He does not like coffee without sugar. But he still drink it, as a habit has been a long time. What else? A stranger will call some strange phone calls to him like horror movies: "When the stranger call"?

Hide put his hand on his shoulder, giggling.  
"Stop feeling bad in the early morning. Just smile and everything will be all right."  
"I hope so." Kaneki replied weakly.  
The lessons became extremely boring . Kaneki almost can not learn, can not hear what the teacher is teaching. His mind was a mess hours as a jumble. He tried to remember last night to see what he had done. Last night after dinner, he went to the convenience store to buy some items, then went home, read the book that borrow from the library and finally went to bed. Everything is perfectly normal. At least according to what he knew.  
Kaneki frowned, uncomfortable with the thought of all that had happened in a way that he can not explain. Beside him, Hide was stretching him out. He must have been bored. No sooner had last lesson started than Hide suddenly poked Kaneki's arm with a pen:  
"Hey, Kaneki ..."  
Kaneki tilted his head to the side, waiting for him to say.

"After school we will go to Big Girl, won't we?"

"Okay. If you want, Hide."

 

Only a few days that make Kaneki feel like he have not come to Big Girl for a long time. The atmosphere is warm and familiar . Food smells delicious, cute uniforms, the soft-spoken. Aaww - Kaneki thought - he likes them. After calling two hamburgers, they're chatting. Hide tell him about what happend when he wasn't at school, about the song he just heard or a plot in the movie he just watched. Everything is always like this. Hide is always talker and Kaneki is always intent listener. It  
is nice to hear him talk one again. Right now, Kaneki is paying attention to Hide's voice than what he is talking about. Kaneki's shoulders is suddenly shaken so much.

"Kaneki, Kaneki, wake up. You didn't hear me, did you?"

Kaneki's confused:

"I'm ... so...sorry, Hide."  
Hide sighed.

"What's wrong with you? Still tired? You seem distracted."

"I just ..."

"You just what? Is thinking about a girl or remembering your Ka-mi- shi- ro?" - Hide slyly smiled.

"Hide, please stop it. It's been over a year now. If you refer Kamishiro-san again, I will cry."

Yes. They're talking about Kamishiro Rize. More than a year ago, Kaneki met her at a coffee shop and have a crush on her. They had arranged an appointment but that day Kaneki came late and did not see her. He also lost her phone number and never met her in that coffe shop or anywhere anymore.

"Okay. I'll stop. But ... - Hide tried not to laughing - you are truly an unlucky man."

"Hide ..." - Kaneki whine.

"All right, all right, you heard the news about the cafe we used to come?"

"You mean Anteiku?"

"Yeah. Everyone said it was the ghoul's cafe. Sounds scary, huh?"

Kaneki nodded. He could not believe he have been to a place like that. Did he see how many ghouls in Anteiku? That it is no longer important. CCG had handled it. Now his mind is confused by the weird things happening to him. Kaneki swallowed hard before opening mouth:

"Hide, Have you ever knew you forgot something, but did not know what's thing yet?"

Hide eyebrow raised:

" How do you know you forgot something if you did not know what is thing? "

" I just know it. I think it certainly is important. "

"Do not worry. Maybe at the appropriate time you will remember it. You was distracted because of it?

"Yeah. When I think about it I feel a little ..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Kaneki did not finish the sentence. When he think about things he have forgotten, he felt a little heartbroken...


	2. The name of a shadow

      I am a shadow. A dark shadow with little monotonous, only appears when there is light. The stronger light is, the clearer my presence is . Quietly behind him, I will forever follow him until the end of life. But, like that flower, close together, remember each other, love each other, never both of us can meet, can see each other. In the end I was just a shadow. But I still different from the shadows at two points, two small points, but they drew one more tragedy for me. Darkness does not make me disappear, it reveals my real man. And ... I used to have a name. It is …

 

 

 ***

 

 

   My name is Kaneki Ken. I used to be a normal college student, live a normal life. Until I encountered a girl named Rize and had a crush on her. Kamishiro Rize is a female ghoul. I knew that after she managed to lure me into an alley and tried to eat me but ended up dying when construction beams fell on top of her. I'm already in a half-dead state from Rize's attempts at killing me, ends up in a hospital, has some of Rize's organs transplanted into my body. This results in me absorbing some of Rize's powers and characteristics, such as a kakugan, powers of regeneration, the inability to stomach human food.

 

 

  Yes. I became a ghoul, exactly a half-ghoul, like her.

 

 

  If you want to ask me why I said these things to you, so that is I do not want you to be confused. There are two Kaneki Ken who exist in this world. One is me, the two is human Kaneki...

 

 

 

  The truth is Kaneki used to die. That fateful day, when I'm sure the lives of both will end, I accidentally saw something.

 

 

 

"People call us is the grim reaper. And true to our name, we come to this world to take people who have to die into the dead."

 

 

 

"What is this place?" - I asked, glancing quickly the red space full of spider lilies around us before turning to stare at her.

 

 

 

  She was wearing a black cloak, raven hair, two green yellow irises flashed as cat's eyes at night. One hand of her was clutching a scythe while the other was holding a handbook.

 

 

 

"This is the space of death. Ken Kaneki huh?"

 

 

 

"What do you want?" - I said, wrapped my arms around Kaneki as she strode toward us. He seemed nervous.

 

 

 

"Nothing. It's just that I'm bored right now. You are going to die today. But I want a little bit of change. So Shiro-san" - she gave her hand in front of me - " Wanna play a game with me? "

 

 

 

   She asked me to play a little game in exchange for the second opportunity to live . The game is called "sacrifice". Only one person can live, the other have to stay and wait. Of course I accepted to be the person who will stay. However, the opportunity to live the second is not enough, I need to make things better, I want him to be happy. I begged she wiped my existence out to give the normal life back for Kaneki. It was carried out as my desire.

 

   But the grim reaper did not do everything perfectly. First is bruises which are left after my last fight. Really I do not want to see anything like that on his face. My Kaneki should not be hurt so. The second are memories of him. The consequences of deleting memories are frequently headaches and somehow are both the nightmares. The third is my existence.

 

 

 

 

 ***

 

 

   He has seen him cry a few times, in fact every night just after dark haired boy woke up from his nightmare. That time he did not want to do nothing more than come to beside him whispering words of comfort to soothe him, wiped the tears, or simply hug him into his heart to cry until he can calm down. The nightmare is always so horrible. It would be shame for a guy to cry just because a certain bad dream. But this is not really a nightmare, it really happened.Although memories were erased, the feelings remained. That's why it makes both he and him fear from the bottom of their heart.

 

 

   Of course, want to do something is a story but can or not is a completely different story. Helpless as much as when he witnessed his lovers to die in front of him that day, all he can do was quietly waiting in the dark until the weeping died down and its owner fell asleep fully exhausted. What he wants to exceed his powers.

 

   He's just a shadow. The shadow is obliged silently watched silently protect, absolutely does not have any contact with him. Because that means an end to both. If he were edited the memories, black haired boy  still had nightmares. So when he saw him, what would happen? Making Kaneki discover and he remember everything he tried to hide him is the last crazy thing he wanted to do in this world. He should not exist, especially in his life.

 

   Shiro is not sure that he do everything for the benefit of Kaneki or just his own? It was somewhat contrary to his wishes. Even if he always used flowery words like love and sacrifice, something is sort of that, he could not deny that all things he did, perhaps because of the own selfishness of himself. The human Kaneki (in other words is his past self) is the most precious thing, the most important for him. . He is  the person whom he is longing that he can become one again but forever never can when had turned into something like this. He has everything he wants to be able to live a better life for Kaneki Ken. There is no way he let him go away with him. Even if it's not his real desire (or his).

 

   The white haired half-ghoul sighed, looking toward the little human is in bed.

 

 

"Even if you can forget that horrible time and live the life of a normal college student, you do not feel happy?"

 

 

 

 ***

 

 

 

"Listen Shiro, there is a small problem as this way: you told me to erase your existence to give the normal life back for Kaneki. But all I can do is erase his memories as well as those who had contact with you and destroy things concerning you, I can not really erase you. You will be forced to live in this world and not leave absolutely too far from him until his life ended. Otherwise both will be dead. The soul of a person is almost inseparable, if both are close proximity is okay but if separate too far, bad things can happen. Neither able to die because part of you - he is still alive, nor you are not easy to live in this world. your body is made of magic, due to the effects of it you will have bear the pain to die. "- She paused, took a deep breath before continuing - "In short, you will live as a person who is not the alive nor the dead, extremely miserable. Not to mention ... memories of yours, I do not know much about the man, but I know the memory is something very meaningful to them. It can make them happy or miserable, in your case you might be suffered more. Do you want me to erase your memories? "

 

 

 

'Please the grim reaper, clear my memories, please turn me into a true shadow, day after day behind him. I could not bear the pain of this. Things are not supposed to happen like that. It was supposed to both be happy. I'm afraid. I feared being forgotten whether it is the only way. '- Shiro will never forgive himself if he dare say that, even though he know that a part of him was screaming begging for it.

 

 

    He is not allowed to forget Kaneki, or anything about what happened. He is the only reason he is alive, continues to exist in this world, endures this pain. Losing it meant that he lost the meaning of his existence, the meaningless life is long in pain. Plus - Shiro bit his lip thought bitterly - he can consider that this is the punishment for him. When had arbitrarily decided everything.

 

***

 

 

    In the miserable lives of a person who neither the live nor the dead, after all  Shiro still has a small but sweet secret  enough to light up a tiny flame in the darkness enveloped him. There are some peaceful nights, when he made sure that black haired boy was sleeping, especially when be disturbed by nightmares, he would leave the hiding place, leave the darkness.

   Gently and carefully. He touched him in a way that people often touch the fragile petals. Only in this time, Kaneki was no longer conscious, unknown to his presence, he can use little gentle left in him to care for him. Rubbing his head, feeling the soft black hair gently tickled his cold skin. Using thumb wipe the tears left on closed lashes, then slowly trace his finger to the features on that familiar face. From the corner of his eye down to a small nose and cheeks were tinge of red from crying earlier. Finally, he lingered while surfing through the lips of Kaneki. It is soft, very soft, and he knew that extremely sweet if press his lips on it (of course only if he will not do that). Occasionally, the human frowned, slightly twitching as if he was having the another nightmare in his sleep, the half-ghoul would stoop so close, close enough to his lips adjacent to his ear, whispering words such as: "It's okay." "You will be fine." He knew that doing so is futile because Kaneki was almost impossible to hear him in such unconscious, but he still wanted to do something to calm him, dispel his nightmares. It had helped somehow, even if only a little, because he finally relaxed his body, calm strokes back his face.

    

 

  Tonight is perhaps more specifically a bit. When the nightmare was sparse over time and Kaneki can be restful all night, Shiro watched him with satisfaction that expressed on his face. Long time ago he saw him sleep comfortably so. The first day since the grim reaper had done everything, Kaneki always had been tormented by headaches and nightmares. He woke up in the middle of the night, sweat profusely, shivering. And he started to cry. Shiro had dug his nails into the skin dozens of times, clutching his white hair hundreds times, mouth muttering the mantra: "Do not come near, do not come near." thousands of times to stop his efforts want to come towards him, pull him into a hug, make the other's crying died down. The human suddenly giggled, eyes still closed.

 

'Is there something funny in your dream Kaneki?' -The half-ghoul shook his head, smiling.

 

 

  Right now he felt a little tingling in his fingers to flick on the nose of the other and see him slightly grimaced of pain. After all Shiro reached his hand, pressed on his soft cold cheeks, then placed a small kiss on the back of his hand, full of respect and love.

 

 

"Sleep well, Kaneki." - He whispered before hiding into the shadows.

 

 

 

Everything is peaceful.


	3. How to kill the nightmares?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone. I planned hasten the storyline to the Kaneki's birthday but I was too slow to do that. I really want to blame exam-chan and their parents - teachers for that T.T Anyway, his birthday was over already. I will try to write those chapter only lasts until ss2 of Tokyo Ghoul come T.T

    Chapter text

 

    He's just a normal college student, lives a normal life. If there is anything strange or unusual happening in this world, it will happen to other people, not people like him. However, life is full of unexpected turns that no one can foresee. Since waking up that day, he knew his own life is not okay. No change, at home and at school, or even everything around him. But somehow he knew something was wrong. Starting the unexplained bruises, then the nightmares. The real nightmare because they are real to the extent that he thought he had met them in reality though he never once experienced anything bad like that.

 

    That night was the first time they visited his sleep and clung to him night after night. In this nightmare, black haired boy found himself sitting on a chair in a white room, completely unfurnished inside it. Even though there is no shackle shackled him, Kaneki tried so hard but did not escape the chair. He was very scared at that time. He heard himself cried, pleaded, screamed, hysterically laughed. The images, sounds was continuously repeated until he opened his eyes, panted, profusely sweated. He often dreamed like that. He can not go back to sleep until too tired due to crying. The things really quite bad. He talked to Hide about them, of course, have clipped the rear part that: he woke up fearfully and crying. He gave him some advice but they are not effective. Whatever he had done, the nightmares still had come.

 

    The rain even made them worse. The first rainy night of that persistent rainy week, he received the worst nightmare. Kaneki still was sitting in white room. The room was slowly falling apart, until the walls appeared big cracks enough on their surface for he could see outside. Everything was blurred, as if they were covered by a thin curtain. Sounds and smells were the only two things he felt markedly. The clanking sound, the sound of things being crushed, broken, the screaming, shouting, wailing sound. Kaneki could even smell a strong odor in the air. The fresh smell of blood. He felt his eyes burning, body pained unbearably, and his mind was tormented by voices. They had haunted him, seduced him, forced him. The black haired boy wanted them to stop. He shouted, "No!" but they said, "Yes." The space suddenly turned upside down, everything inside it had been distorted and then frantically rotated as someone put the whole world in a blender and pressed the button. Finally every thing before his eyes darkened.  A gentle female voice whispered in his ear: "Hey, do not want to play a game?" and he woke up, body trembling with agitation, no way to be able to breath in his lungs as someone was strangling him prevented from breathing. Kaneki needed the light. He was afraid of the dark. He leapt out of bed, groped light switch. The action was too sudden which made him tumbled.

 

    The human quickly realized that he hadn't escape the dream. The lights were turned on, but he had yet to touch the switches. It was not his room. A large oval room with a floor paved with black and white ceramic tiles interspersed in each cell look like chessboard. The room was filled with red. Because the blood splattered, matted over the walls and floor. Pieces of fresh meat sticky under his feet were nothing but the disgust marshmallows at the horror tea party games of someone. This time Kaneki found himself sitting on the chair again, but with his hands tied behind his back with a heavy chain. The cold of metal transmitted from the chain and chair into his flesh as he shivered. He felt a sharp pain as if his hands and feet were cut into thousand pieces and perhaps they were really cut because when he turned sideways, a pail full of toes waiting for him to see. Although they was no longer rosy as when they were attached to his body but Kaneki still realized those were his toes. The problem is why there were so many toes. He can not regenerate them, right? Of course he immediately looked down to check. His toes were wiped out, blood was pouring profusely from cuts to form a pool of dark liquid on the floor. But after a short period of time, blood clotted, they began healing by themselves. No time to amaze or even expressed of pain when be physically abused, Kaneki heard a voice which raised his no name fear from his heart.

 

 

 

"You held out better than I thought, Kaneki. I wonder if how long can you endure ?" A blonde man wearing suit stepped by step slowly towards him.

 

 

 

    His face was covered by a mask. One hand of him put in his pocket while the other hand clutched a bloody pliers that he guessed was what he used to torture him. Black haired boy wanted to run away, or at least could scream to escape this nightmare. However, the scream was choked in his throat could not formed, he was handcuffed, unable to move a single step. Whoever, whatever, please save me. Do not let him come near me. Somebody, please help me. He begged bitterly.  

 

    Then he saw him. Through the blond man, he had seen him. He sat opposite him with snowy white hair, sticky. He lowered his head so he could not see his face, but based on his physique he was probably the same age. It was at the time he was guessing who he is? A person was tortured in this place with him? Or simply an other illusion in this nightmare? He suddenly looked up. Kaneki remembered that he rushed towards him as fast as lightning. No. The white-haired boy rushed towards the blond guy as fast as lightning. Four bright red claws burst out of his back with a clear intention of killing. He barely screamed in pain as the  defeated beast then collapsed lifelessly.

 

    After finishing his enemy (it must have been that - Kaneki thought) he staggered towards him. Did Kaneki feel afraid? Yes. Even when he broke the shackles for him easily like crushing a paper cup and threw him into a warm hug, he still could not stop himself from trembling like a small bird in his chest. He did not say a word during his continuous action sequence. Until he made sure that he simply wanted to reassure him, Kaneki finally freed his body of fright, wrapped his arms around him. He whispered a tiny thank before listening to the other let out a sigh which was unknown of relief or sad. He patted his back few times to comfort before hug him a little tighter. Whether at close range like this, he still could not see his face clearly. And the reason why he couldn't, very long after he finally knew. Throughout his body smelled of sweat and blood. But the dark-haired boy was fine with that. Not only feeling fine but also he felt extremely comfortable and familiar.

 

    Like home.

 

    The first time he received the worst nightmare, but fell into the most peaceful sleep.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

    The first rainy night of that persistent rainy week was the first time Shiro broke his own rules. He should not be overwhelmed by feeling and made serious mistake like that but ... Kaneki needed         

his help.

 

 

    The torrential rain never bring anything good for Shiro or him. He had seen him crying, even writhing in pain due to nightmares, but never as bad as that night. Screamed in fear as if he were seeing the most horrible monsters that he can imagine. Groaned in pain as if he was suffering the real tortures  which similar to what both experienced in base's Aogiri. Struggled in the agitation as if he was trying to escape from somewhere or someone.

 

    Then he heard a name. Yamori ... Yakumo ... Jason ... or something like that. The most important thing is Kaneki mentioned his name. Calling it by any way also made him very uncomfortable. A long time ago "Yamori" was not merely a name for him. It's an obsession, a parasite, a damn vines with its serpentine roots created by fear, pain, despair thrusted into his mind, did not let go of clinging. So he understood what the black haired boy was suffering at that time. Shiro was too familiar with the form of that persistent torture. It had become dense to the point of that he considered perfectly normal just like the air to breathe. His sleep had to come with nightmare.

 

    But he was not. So the determination of his collapsed as if they were glass and just be crumbled because someone used a baseball bat and hit them. So he threw away the risks of desperation out of his head and walked toward him. So he embraced him and sought to reassure. Invading other people's dreams is impossible but Kaneki's dream is entirely possible for him to do it. Although both of them have how much differences, at the end is just one person. And the nightmare is just one. Still that room, still that sight, still that ghoul.

 

    The only difference is this time they were not alone. They had each other. That had been enough already.


	4. A piece of leftover memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year every one / :v /

    It was a sunny warm afternoon.

 

 

 

   

    It was a leisurely sunny late afternoon with a light warm sun slowly sink into the horizon in the west.

 

   

 

    He was standing with his back to him watching the sunset. His hair was white as winter snow fluttered in the wind. He could not see his face even though he looked at him smiling.

 

 

"You were right. It was beautiful."

 

 

    The smile was really nice, really familiar, really close. Yet he could not reach. The more he tried, the farther he was distant from him. His hands grabbed nowhere. Adrift.

 

    It was a other strange dream of his. Yesterday.

 

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    But ...

 

 

    Black haired boy did not realize that it was not a dream. It was a piece of leftover memories of his. But at least it inspired him come here. The place which appeared in the dream - the terrace of the Kamii.

 

 

    One December day was bleak and cold. This time period was the beginning of winter, the landscape were tinged sad, forlorn, desolate. It was not clear that mood of people affected surroundings or ultimately surroundings is what affects people's hearts. People only see blue sky were replaced by a dull gray color. The trees spindly, without leaves. The cold wind bouts as the knife harshly cut into the flesh. Everyone pulled highly the collar, hats tightly covered as its way and traveled quickly. The active daily life rhythm continues just lacks of warmth. While all are trying to find their own warmth, how the hell did we still have an idiot went to a high and cold place like this? Shiro frowned, looked at the dark-haired boy.

 

 

    Kaneki stood silently here more than ten minutes. He did not do anything but looked vaguely distant scenery. The white haired half-ghoul closed his eyes, sighed softly. He let the memory record in his mind turned back to the right that afternoon. This place - if he remember correctly, it ...

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

    Bang!

    The door was kicked out strongly.

 

"Shiro, please do not kick the door so. You wanted to destroy of public property?" - Kaneki moaned.

 

    Shiro shrugged:

 

"It's not my fault. The door refused to open itself."

 

 

    He sighed helplessly, turned to the side to check the door. Fortunately, it just sprung latch, did not spring the hinges. At least both of them hadn't to reattach it.

 

 

"So ..." - Shiro rolled his eyes - "why did you want to come here, Kaneki?"

 

 

    It has been over six months since the Aogiri incident as well as six months since he appeared. A few day ago, the two went along with their team back to 20th ward for tracing the whereabouts of Dr. Kanou. The result: failure. There isn't any trace of him as if he simply vanished like a puff of smoke. The nurse who was supposed to be able to lead them to his hiding place had just been robbed by Aogiri the night before. However, the team had yet to leave immediately. He still had a little hope that there is leftover clue here.

 

    Right at that difficult period Kaneki had decision quite confusing. He wanted to continue studying. The college program which he left off studying several months ago. Of course it's self-study, although it is very inconvenient. So the human asked him for a visit to his apartment and took a few books.

 

    The white haired half-ghoul slightly raised an eyebrow:

 

"We are the ones missing, remember? It would be difficult to go back."

 

    He looked straight into his eyes full of determination:

 

"I'll try. Anyway, we were only missing until "The tree" fell down."

 

 

    That was the first time Shiro realized that deep inside he has little something very strong.

     He asked Tsukiyama to accompany him to ensure the safety without forgetting the warnings: if he dare to touch even a hair of him, he would chop him into a hundred pieces.

 

 

"It's not like I trust you. Do not get me wrong. It's just no other way. So I hope you will behave politely and keep him safe, otherwise you die!"

 

    After he responded with some confusing language, the purple-haired man put a hand on his chest, face expressed dramatically:

 

"I swear by my sword, I will protect him perfectly."

 

    For some reason Shiro do not want relate too much to Kaneki's life, his previous life. Even when he had to deliver his precious Kaneki into the hands of a man had tried to eat him once and still was trying to eat him. He wanted to keep a safe distance from him. If he do not come too close, no one will get hurt, right? Everything was gone well. Except for the few times he saw Tsukiyama sniffing a handkerchief as the addict, which always made him long to kick him on his face every time caught him doing that. When he asked Kaneki, he answered naively that when went to the apartment with him, he was cut into his hand. He had refused and said that he had his handkerchief, but he still insisted that he should use his towel. Since he could not stop his overly enthusiasm, he reluctantly used it. Shiro of course could not ignore it. He immediately used force to quickly robbed it and burned it. He knew what's thing sticky on the towel. Blood of Kaneki. Although he admitted that many times himself could not resist the allure of it, he will not allow anyone to think of it, at least within his control.

 

    Speechifying so to return to the main theme, the college student had no reason to go back to the Kamii college . Unless there was something he did not finish here?

 

    Kaneki was confused, his face gradually tinged with red while contorting his fingers.

 

"I ... you ... Shiro, do you remember this place?"  

 

 

    Shiro rolled his eyes, glancing around in a tenth of a second before nodding,

 

"Yes."  

 

    He swallowed, said awkwardly, not looking at him:

 

"Because you haven't seen them by yourself before....so ... I want ... you can have something stay away from the other horrible things ..."

 

 

    Something beautiful. Something sweet. Something peace. Whether it's with someone like him.

 

    He had always managed to stay away from his previous life as far as possible. He was simply doing his duty, as a tool, not a part of his life. But all of those effort just makes the human want to come closer to him, want to mount as the indispensable pieces , parts of a soul can not be separated. Shiro is both Kaneki Ken and not Kaneki Ken.

    For this world, he is really just a kid, completely transparent, oblivious. Because the experiences, memories during eighteen, nineteen years ago do not belong to him. They belong to own Kaneki . But it is obvious when he knew all the details fluently about them. He just never experienced them. The real age of him was not nineteen as well as his birthday was not 20th December. The day he was born was the day Kaneki decided to abandon his humanity. He was not born of love between father and mother, he was born from the strong feeling inside him that day: pain, confusion, outrage, desperation and the wish to protect people - the remaining beloved of the two. In his mind from the beginning was the array which were only black, red and white. The smell of blood. The taste of flesh. Attempt, plan, hysterics, desperation, danger.

 

    He never ever thought he would experience something peaceful and pleasant to that. Smoothly as a lullaby. So when Kaneki wanted to lead him come here, showed him a beautiful scene with the sun was bright red as dying coal, the sky tinged with reddish, a few fragile milky-white clouds luggishly drifted, the first time white haired boy knew that the sunset is not only the earth rotates axis of itself halfway to switch to night, but also is something so warm, so brilliant. The first time he realized that he needn't to be always on guard, he can shed every burden, negligently sightseeing without worry.

 

   The closer he was the familiar places like this, the sharper Shiro's memories were as if he had ever read the books at here while watching the sun slowly sink into the darkness until it softly wrapped him as an implicit reminder was time to go home, smelled the characteristic scent of old books and remembered his father, his mother had ever rubbed his head and embraced him, he had ever chatted happily with Hide - his best friend. The ghoul knew the taste of bread, the taste of the dish mother had ever cooked, the taste of Big Girl's hamburger. Shiro can feel everything clearly.

 

    The somewhat pale slender hands timidly settled on his rough hands. Both did not say anything. They needn't. He turned his hand to the palm of his hand pressed against his. Soft and warm. Then he laced their fingers together. Both kept like that, hand in hand. The human and the ghoul maintained the pleasant and understanding silence. There are things that do not need to say. Shiro's fingers suddenly tightened unconsciously that caused Kaneki slightly frowned in pain before turning to look at him intently.

 

 

"What's wrong, Shiro?"

 

 

"Nothing. I did hurt you or not, Kaneki?"

 

 

    He suddenly did not want to do nothing more than hold onto this moment. And with the think of a child he gripped his hand as if it was just he clutched him, everything will forever remain like this. Shiro felt quite worried because his hands were tightened to so. With the strength of the ghoul, he can completely break both his hands with a little force. Black haired boy shook his head, before rubbing his cheek on Shiro's fingers touching his face. He couldn't help smiling with himself. What a cute boy.

 

    By now it is darker more and more. He was the first to break the link. Leaving the warmth of his hand. Reluctantly. Attachedly.

 

 

"It's late. Go home, Kaneki." - He turned around, walked toward the door before stopping to wait footsteps behind.

 

 

    But Kaneki did not move. He still was standing there, away from him a distance, was both too close and too far.

 

 

"Hey Shiro ..." - he stammered, looking down.

 

 

"When you talk to someone, you should look directly at them. Look at me to say, Kaneki."

 

 

    He had looked straight into his eyes. Once again, he caught that eyes. The pupils was gray, just like his. Shiro wondered: 'But those eyes ... Why ... How did that ... '

 

    "Promised together, after all things ended, we are going back home. I want us to live the normal lives of the normal college students. "

 

 

    Shiro was silent, not uttering a word. It is possible to live a normal life? What a wonderful thing.

 

 

    He nodded:

 

"I promise."

 

 

"So" - Black haired boy raised his right hand awkwardly, curled up the little finger.

 

 

"What?" - Shiro frowned confusing. Even if he has all the memories and knowledge about the world of Kaneki as well as humans, but there are things he do not understand yet. For example: love, faith, promise. Like a child is given a special power. Smart enough to use it wisely, but also immature enough to really understand all of it.

 

 

"Link someone's fingers with another person's as a promise to do something together. I always use it with Hide. Remembered it, Shiro? "

 

 

    He smiled worriedly that Shiro will exclude the childish idea of him. But the white haired boy was only silent for not to five seconds and then smiling mischievously:

 

 

"I think this needs an action more serious. "

 

 

    He cupped his chin. He kissed Kaneki. He pressed his lips against his and he hold this kiss for a long moment of silence. And then he gave in a wave of strange feelings. He pulled him into his arms. He hugged him tightly. He felt his soft black hair. He heard the heartbeat thumping steadily from the other, felt warm blood running through his vein, underneath his smooth unmistakable skin. Shiro did not know why, but he felt like time stopped or why he was ecstatic in a tender drunken rampage. He just made a serious promise by the way the main character in a novel Kaneki had ever read for him.

 

 

"That's how you made a serious promise Kaneki."

 

 

 

    He chuckled when he saw his face growing redder. He buried his face in his hands groaned:

 

 

 

"Stop it, Shiro. Come on. I'll die of shy ..."

 

 

 

 ***

 

 

 

 

    After all he did not make the promise that day. He left Kaneki alone.

 

    Kaneki glanced toward the warehouse. He did not know what he was searching. But there was something deep in his mind earnestly begged him to do so and whispered that he would regret very much if ignored its pleas. The sound of old door not opened for a long time creaked. It only took him a few minutes to go to the end of the room and found a small brown wooden box. On the lid titled only one word: "Memory."

 

    Without thinking he quickly pried the lid open. Shiro's eyes widened as he looked Kaneki took the box. Still that afternoon, with a bit of fun, a bit crazy and a photo. A beautiful photo with the broad childlike smile on the lips of both of them.

 

    Without thinking, he rushed towards him. Right before he could turn it up and looked the picture of its contents, he grabbed it, gently waving as if it were blew by wind before throwing it through the ventilation hole of the warehouse. Let the wind do its best work. Blowing all into nothingness.

 

 

    Shiro finally found the fourth mistake of the grim reaper.


End file.
